Undue Attention

Part of living as a foreigner in another country is all the extra attention you receive. Some attention is great, such as when people make sure the bus doesn't leave without you at one of the stops or when they help you find something you're looking for in the market. At other times it can be frustrating, such as when people call out to you as you are walking out your gate every morning.

However in certain instances, the extra attention becomes a little more complicated and requires careful thought. For example, one day I ran into an Tanzanian man in town who was a friend of a friend. I didn't even recognize him but he recognized me so we chatted for a few minutes. He wanted to come visit me sometime which in and of itself is fine. Unfortunately, I receive many requests from random individuals who would like to be my friend and I simply don't have the time or energy to accommodate them all. Yet at that moment I couldn't think of a nice way to refuse him so I agreed. In the end however, he came over at a time when I wasn't home so that situation seemed to resolve itself.

Then a few weeks later he showed up at the office where I work, wanting my phone number. Once again I handled the situation poorly by giving it to him. So naturally I received a request from him, wanting to visit me this weekend. The question is, how do I tactfully explain that this is not a friendship I want to pursue? I enjoy meeting people and having friends but have learned by experience that friendship with single men in this culture usually leads somewhere that I am not willing to go. So my challenge is to clearly, but with sensitivity, explain that this friendship is not going to progress.

Another situation I'm involved in is a little different because although it also centers around a guy, this one is about 12 years old. Several months ago a young boy was waiting for me at my gate when I arrived home from work. He was shy and didn't say much but spoke to me in English when he did speak. With him saying so little, I couldn't figure out what he wanted. In the following weeks he would periodically stop by my house after work, wanting to talk to me. However he still couldn't look me in the face or say very much so he started writing me letters. One letter described his dream to go to America, leading me to believe he saw me as his ticket to get there. I told him I would pray for him and left it at that.

After my four month absence while I was in Canada I assumed he had forgotten about me. Yesterday my assumption was shattered when he showed up with another letter. This one explained that he had been praying and fasting for God to change my heart so he could have an American friend. He wants to come over to my house to visit me. So, how do you explain to a 12 year old boy that you are not his ticket to the good life?

I don't enjoy telling people that I would rather they didn't visit me but I am slowly learning that that is the kindest and most appropriate response. At the same time, it takes wisdom and grace to figure out exactly what to say and how to say it.

Although I don't always enjoy the extra attention I receive as a foreigner, I know it will continue to be part of my life here. I just pray that I will keep learning better ways to respond to it so that I can truly love these people who have welcomed me into their country.